Update on Health since the 22nd

I am sure that everyone has been worried about my health. I think that I have been more worried about my health. I was worried that I was going to have to be hospitalized because I came down with GVHD of the stomach again. I was afraid that I was going to miss work for a while. Without even getting GVHD I still missed two weeks of work. I live for my happiness and being able to work and my job really brings me happiness. I feel like a failure when I am not able to work. It has been a really long two weeks and come this Tuesday the 6th will be three weeks since I have tried my hardest to figure out what was wrong with me. There was several different symptoms that could be causing what was wrong with me. Recently, I was slowly taken off of prednisone which is a steroid that does a lot of good and a lot of bad to the body. List of the withdrawals that it may cause; joint pain, muscle pain, fatigue, headache, fever, low blood pressure, nausea and vomiting. Out of the seven symptoms that were possible, I had everyone but the fever. I couldn't believe that I was having to go through this again. The feeling of being so weak, barely able to walk, barely able to breathe, and everything hurting. I wanted answers and I wanted them fast. Like the last post said we went to the ER and they found nothing. I will have to say that ER doctors that have not a lot of experience with cancer patients makes for a much long hospital stay. :-( Not a lot of fun. I was getting sick and not able to keep my fluids down and keep my meds down. I felt like I was at square one for the 20th time. Oh my battle, as many of you know with life, 2 steps forward, 1 step back and so forth. With all the things that I have had to deal with I still, today don't think I am in charge of my health and don't understand why everything keeps happening. It is hard on my body and on my mind. I am always determined to find out what is wrong until I feel well. Almost two weeks after I started with all the issues, we are close but don't have an answer to what is wrong with me. I am worry about my co-workers everyday and feel bad for missing a day. I feel like I am letting down so many people. If I could have gotten out of bed and went to work then I would have. I know that I am going to get to better each and everyday. I haven't lost my positive attitude. I am still thankful everyday to be alive. I think about all the people that have helped me over the past year everyday on my way to work or the clinic. With all that is going on it is the small things that matter to me most. The love that I get from Ross, his hugs, his kisses, the things talking about our future. I love it when it is sunny outside, the flowers are starting to bloom. A good meal at home with my family. Even going out to for a meal with the family and having a great conversation. A stranger smiling at you as you walk down the road. I hope to brighten your day with a smile and not a tear. I will end it with this...Time heals all wounds.