Over the last few months I have taken you through what I went through in the hospital and the emotions that I felt. Since January I have come close to be hospitalized once, which isn't all the bad. I am starting to go to the doctors only twice a month which is huge since I used to go every week up until 2 weeks ago. I can't tell you how many times my arms have been poked. I was starting to miss my port, but not really. I rather keep getting poked then have that thing in again. I am going to see a specialist on the 17th for the adrenal glands. I have already done the testing that they need, now it is time to get on a medication that I can stay on. BTW, I HATE steroids. My dad doesn't like it when I say hate, but this one drug has done all sorts of damage to my body. Hopefully I will be able to get my body back to being 30 and not feel like an 80 year old. Then again it is another steroid that I will be going on and probably have to take for the rest of my life. But as long as I am living that is the important part.
The blog is one way for me to release what I am thinking and not worry about having to hear anything back. The emotional drain that I go through on a daily basis is crazy. I am sure that is why I am on half the medications that I am. I went back to work after being gone 10 months. Really? 10 month is all that it took me to go back to work. I must have been really bored at home, just kidding. I haven't heard of anyone going back to work that quick. I have this fire in me to do my best, I lost it a while ago but I found it. I carry myself with confidence and grace, ha-ha, just kidding again. I have no grace, that is why I fall down all the time. I am ready for the summer and all that it has to bring. I hope that I don't have the fear of traveling again like I did in February. I am going to be going to Vegas again but this tie for Ross' birthday. Just the 2 of us. Of course I will spend time with my sister and brother-in-law but most of the time will be spent at the pool.
Seriously, I went from wanting to buy a house and settle down to wanting to get out and see the world or the United States at least. I can't travel out of the country for a while. Just this week I found out that it would probably be a couple of years before I get my shots. That is the thing, I go to work, I eat and drink just like everyone else but I have all these pills that I have to take and worry about my skin all the time. I want to forget for a day that I don't have to deal with this everyday of my life. I never forget but I am going to make the most of it. I keep my positive attitude, keep smiling, don't let the small things bother me. Every once in a while I do want to punch someone, but instead I try my hardest to put it behind me because it isn't worth it. Still a couple of weeks after dealing with a certain guest I still get angry thinking about him. I should call him and his assistant up and tell them what I have gone through and play my cancer card. I rarely ever do that. I am not a survivor I am a warrior who is still battling. I would love to be the pink warrior but I think that people would think that I had breast cancer. I guess I will be the orange warrior, the other pink.
So, here I sit on Easter, thankful for my life, but I am not a religious person, because there is no one that got me through this than myself. I believe that I did this on my own, damn it that makes me one strong ass person. Sure, I give lots of credit to the doctors and drugs, but I was the one that had to be mentally strong enough to come through on the other side. Being on the other side is just as difficult, with all the daily drama, but it so worth it. What is the point of this blog? Maybe one day I will figure that out until then I will keep typing away for everyone to read.
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