Tuesday, January 17, 2012

My sister

The day after I was diagnosed my sister was by my side. She left her life in Las Vegas to be with me. I am sure that she felt the same as me and had no choice in being there. From the moment that my mom called her to let her know, poor thing was driving when she found out till she left me in June. Those months were the best we have ever spent together. I couldn't have asked for a better sister and companion. I needed someone to be strong and be there for me. She met that and so much more. Spent several nights with me in the hospital. She had to see me at my worst. She had to change me out of my clothes several times because of the accidents that I would have while I was sleeping. She would help me take showers when I wasn't even strong enough to stand on my own. There is something to be said about unconditional love. It means that you will do ANYTHING for another person and put that person first in time of need. It was easy for me to have her help me. For all of our lives I was the big sister and had taken care of her and now she had to help me in so many ways. When the doctors decided that the best thing for my chances of living was a stem cell transplant we knew that she would be a match. I never doubted that she wasn't going to be a match. We thought it would be a simple test and she would just do it. Oh the things that the doctors don't tell you. It took a couple of weeks to find out that she was going to be a match and that was the best day of our lives. Then came all the testing for both of us. Luckily, we pretty much had the same diseases as kids so she wasn't putting me at risk for catching something else. Both of us showed that we had heart attacks, no really. They had to do several tests on our hearts to make sure that they were going to be strong enough for the transplant. They still can't explain why our hearts show that we have had heart attacks. One day, I can't remember what hospital stay it was the doctor told my sister in front of me that it wasn't going to be her fault if I died. I couldn't believe that the doctor would say something like that. It really hit me hard and I still think about that. Of course, it is true that if I were to die it wouldn't be her fault. While I was at home we would spend most of our time watching the Today show, soaps, and Ellen. I pretty much had something to watch every hour of every day. She would make me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She would have to do all the cleaning because I wasn't allowed to. I am still not allowed to do very much cleaning. She would drive me to all my appointments and never complain about anything. We were living at my moms for a few months and it was a hard adjustment to make. Most of my friends didn't come and visit like they did in the hospital. It made me sad to be all alone. She kept my spirits high and dealt with my mood swings. When it finally came time to donation the stem cells, she was a trooper. She had it alot harder than I did. She had reactions to the medications. She had to have it taken out of her neck because her veins weren't going to be able to handle it. She was saving my life and I am forever greatful for it. I am so blessed to have a sister that has taken such good care of me and put me first for so many months. I hope that one day I can repay her. She also cut her hair short to make me feel better about me losing my hair. It was all these little things that made me feel better. Taking me to the store was huge. It was hard to be "locked up" for so long and not be able to go anywhere. I would reach for something on the shelves and she would slap my hands because I wasn't even supposed to touch the boxes. It was nice to be able to just get out of the hospital and house. Then I was hospitalized again in July and there she was back by my side. Ready to take care of me and help me though things again. Her attitude always was positive, but I guess that is how we were taught to deal with things. In order for things to go well you have to thing positive and believe that they will. Then I was hospitalized again in August, the worst stay of them all. I woke up and was confused at were I was and who was in the room. I remember looking over and see my sister but I didn't know who she was. I couldn't figure out who this woman was looking at me. Finally things started to make sense, kinda. I couldn't believe that I didn't know who my own sister was. In my mind still I remember waking up and still not knowing who she was. I will go into that hospital experience another time. I only wish that she had been there the whole time when I was going through cabin fever. She was the only one that I wanted around to take care of me. But I understood that she had a life and needed to get back to her husband and dogs. I couldn't believe how long she did it for. I have a hard time being away from Ross for a day. She is truely one of the strongest women I know. Then it came to celebrating my 100 days after transplant and we had a trip to the beach planned. I was so excited to get out of town and spend sometime with my family. It was so much fun! Having my sister there to experience everything is so important to me. In less than a month it will be a year since I was diagnosed and I am headed to Vegas to see her and her husband. She is truely the one that I want to spend my time with because without her I might not be alive. Then in May will be my one year since my transplant and we will all be headed to Sasquatch. Again she must be there for all my celebrations! I am so happy to wake up each day and be greatful for the life that I have. It is all the small things that happen to make me who I am. I am so thankful for my sister! I love you Charlene!

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