3 days gone

Are you ready for the biggest thing that has happened to me? I remember lying on the couch, throwing up knowing that something was wrong with me. I called the clinic and I think I was a running a fever which meant that I needed to get to the hospital right away. I was in the clinic and my doctor came down from the hospital and told them to admit me. I was starting to feel better, and ask Ross if we could come back tomorrow. He told me no and thank god he did. The first night went well as well as it could for being sick. The next morning I remember telling the nurse that I had a migraine, she gave me some oxycodone and imtrex. I grabbed my head and was in my usual position with my head in a pillow with my legs directly underneath me. I know that Ross was in the room, but after that I don't remember anything that happened until I woke up only to find out that it was 3 days later. I was so confused. I was lying there and didn't know who the nurse was. I looked over to my left and I asked who it was. It was my sister, Charlene. I couldn't remember my own sister. My brain was telling me that I didn't know who she was. I don't know if anyone else has experienced that but what a feeling of confusion. The hospital and family would only tell me bits and pieces of what had happened. I will get to that in a bit. I was in the ICU and felt like I had to pee. Little did I know that I had a catheter in me. The nurse told me to just go but I didn't feel like I could go in the bed. Then a few seconds later they told me that I had gone. I wanted to see! Ross said no, but then the nurse picked up the bag and showed me. It made me a little happy. So there we all were down in ICU waiting for my room to become available. I couldn't understand what was taking so long. They told the room number, same as I had been in, so why couldn't we go up? It look me several months later to figure that question out, because 3 days had passed and they had moved all my stuff out. It just happened that I was going to be in the same room. Making me a bit more confused. I really wasn't to comprehensive what all they were telling me that had happened. When I was back up in my room Ross slowly told me what had happened. Most people know, but let me recap. I had a seizure right after Ross came back from dinner. Then I went into cardic arrest, he didn't tell me that part, the nurse that performed it on me told me. I started to bail my eyes out. I couldn't believe that I was that close to dying. The nurses had to ask Ross if he wanted me to ressitated. My parents thank him for being there for me. He really had to make some tough calls in a short amount of time. I am so thankful for him. It was so hard to take in, that not only did I have the one seizure, went into cardic arrest, then 2 seizures in ICU. I will tell you a little secret, the nurses give you meds to forget the trama things that have happened to you. It worked, I forgot a lot of things. After I came to, my chest hurt so bad from the chest being pounded on. I thought that they had broken my ribs, I even went and had an X-ray taken because of the pain. The ribs were broken but bruised. I was in pain for a week. Thank god for good meds. I waited a couple of days before I looked at myself in the mirror and when I did I started crying. There was scabs all over my face. You would think that the chemo, radition, and transplant would be the difficult. Hands down this was my hardest thing to go through. Here is a little fact: when you are in ICU you lose 30% of your muscle mass ever day. 3 days equals 90% of my muscle gone. As you may know, I am not very muscular and I could barely walk yet again. Holy cow, what was my body doing to me. I haven't even told you what the cause was, I was allergic to cyclosporine. I had been taking it for 78 days. This medication was trying to kill me. It almost did. You really think things over when you are that close to death. Ross and I have gotten a lot closer over the year. Like I said before he has been my rock. I couldn't imagine my life without him. Back to the bad, bad drug. I started taking it as soon as I got my transplant and continuing taking them and as time went on the dosage got smaller. I was on the lowest amount and it was still showing high counts. I guess while I was "sleeping" they ran a ton of tests on me. They thought it was going to GVHD again. Big surprise, I was rare again. That is most of what I remember from that terrible stay in August. The great news is that I have been recovering very well, slow but well.