Well lets see. Where did I leave off. That's right I was getting out of the hospital. So my mom was there to pick me up and take me to my new home. Man, that was a lot of moving in one year. I still think about my place that I had on Woodstock and miss the comforts of my bedroom. It was my little room to get away from everything. I was really excited to be moving in with Ross. It would be the first time that we had lived together and now was the right time. Back to me leaving the hospital, as many of you may know that I am accident prone. I tend to run into things and always have bruises on my arms and legs. Well I was in the bathroom and I went to pick up a wash clothes off the floor and fell over and hit my head on the toilet. I knew that if I told the doctors that they would make me stay. I thought that I was strong enough to leave. Then we went to Nordstroms to get some make-up stuff and I was walking up the 3 stairs to go outside and my legs gave out from under me. Even with my mom's help I wasn't able to stand up. I had no idea what kind of muscle mass I had lost. In now in February I still have a hard time walking up stairs without getting winded. My lungs were damaged from the radiation and also some of the medications that I took. My platelets still haven't gone back to being in the normal range, again making it easier for me to bruise and also takes longer to heal and this is 6 months after I have gotten out of the hospital.
Once I was home, it took a long time for it to feel like home. I needed to put my womanly touch on things. Ross has been so kind and caring in working together to really make this our place, well with roommates. So from the day from your transplant to day 100 I had to have 24 hour care. Really! I had to have someone with me at all times. I quickly learned there wasn't going to be any "me" time. Jen, whom you haven't heard of yet, was kind enough to take care of me from the time that I got out until mid-October. I could only imagine not having a great support group like I have. So between Jen (full-time), Ross, Mom and Dad, I was covered on someone always being able to watch me. Again this goes back to having to depend on others and letting go of the control. Oh boy, that has been one of the hardest things for me to do. It was summer time and I wasn't allowed to be in direct sunlight from the mediciation that I was on. I couldn't go for walks, couldn't have live plants around, couldn't have any pets, couldn't do dishes (which I still can't), do laundry (only supposed to fold the clothes at this point), no standard house cleaning. I was back to using a different towel everyday. One thing that cancer has taught me is that it is no eco-friendly. You have to throw everything away and that really bothered me. If I could decribe what it is like, imagine that you have a newborn baby and that is how I felt. I was completely shut off from the world. There is one thing that most wouldn't know that people that get cancer inbetween the ages 15 to 39 there is no guidence for how life is going to be after treatment. Everyone just expects us to go back to normal. The doctors just send you on the way and only deal with you if a problem arises. They have no idea how your body is going to react to the treatments. It is all one big guessing game. I learned that very early on in the treatment. They just don't have the answers since every single case is different. I don't blame them. OHSU is coming out with some great groups but still I was already out of the hospital by the time anything had started or heard about anything. It would have been nice that first month that I was just sitting at home to make some connections durning that time. I get a little upset because I have felt more left out of things in the last year than ever in my life. I will get into that deeper later on. Not only does your body become weak from all the chemo, radiation, and medications but all from the mental workout that your body has to do. I told myself everyday that today is going to be a good day. I am happy to be alive. Energy and persistance conquer all things. I wrote notes to myself all the time to cheer myself up. To be mentally strong is almost harder than the physical stuff, putting them together has been a real delight (please note the sarcasm). July coming soon!
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